When It Just Won't Stop

Let's talk about the weather.
I have questions, no answers, and truth be told, I don't even have a clue. So, let's just talk about the weather.
It has rained and rained and rained.
Basements flooded, then rivers crested, then streets shut down. My husband is in insurance, and flooding is not covered. This has made his job very hard.
Every time my basement of a heart floods I call on him. Over and over I make the wrong requests. I don't know my heart. And over and over it's not covered. I ask the wrong questions, and no one can help. I don't know what I need. I don't know how to fix this. This has made his job very hard. And I am paralyzed further knowing I'm making it hard on him too.
And it has rained and rained and rained.

The basement floods again and my beast tries to get out.
How I wish I could train this beast as well as I've trained myself to lock it away.
But that's the catch isn't it? You lock your beast up and you have to lock everything else up with it. Because if I let my creativity show, if I share my thoughts, and, God forbid, if I share my feelings, the beast comes right out there in the middle of the room roaring and jesting and pointing at me. So, I keep it locked in the basement.

But it just kept raining! I couldn't get my basement dried out before it would flood again, and that stupid beast kept lashing out. I was hurting my family and I was hating myself. Especially, hating myself. After so many years with the beast locked inside, I start to wonder, what if the beast is me?
What if this is really who I am?
What if this is who I will always be?