That Blasted Pea!

When Li'l Bit was born I was bound and determined to steer clear of the Princess Movement. I just knew my daughter would be far too intelligent and humble to succumb to such a frivolous notion.
And then she got old enough to voice her opinion.
The girl is a "princess" through and through. She screams bloody murder every time her Bubba hits her over the head, and she bawls her eyes out every time she falls. And, for a princess, she falls quite a lot. Whenever she senses the slightest opportunity she insists upon being carried around. (And being #1 of 3, that is very rare. But, you know, princesses have a sixth sense for these things.)
So, yet again, the Lord has found a rather tongue-in-cheek way to humble my seemingly aloof heart.
Take for instance today...
(Since we will soon be taking our first long road trip for the Original Oasis Family Reunion, we have been shopping all week for new booster seats for Li'l Bit and Gizmo.)
~Li'l Bit has been insistent that her new booster seat be to her liking. i.e. Pink. So we were in Babies R Us today (for the second time, after one trip to Walmart and on our way there again) and I knew which one to buy--finally. Thoughts of safety, buckles & straps, price, comfort, and, dare I admit it, color whirling around in my mind--I finally chose the perfect seat. But Li'l Bit protested, "But it's not pink all over! It's brown and pink and purple, but it's not bright pink ALL OVER!" (All caps very well deserved.) I tried finding clever ways in which to trap her into choosing her Graco Turbobooster in pink, brown, and purple. But finally I just had to say, "Well, I'm sorry, hun. This is my choice and you'll just have to grow to like it. It's pinker than the one you've got now." And it's a dang good choice so she'll learn to love it.
~Then, fully cloaked in Dancing Barbie gown and tall boots she's dancing on our bed to Jesse's Girl and various Mary Poppins tunes. She runs into the dining rooms wailing, "Gizmo (I don't make her call him that, by the way) is jumping on the bed, and I was dancing there!!" I inform her that it's the only dance floor we have, she had it all to herself for a long time, and now she needs to share. To which she replied, "But I want it all to myself!! I need to daaance!" (All said in complete melodrama.)
~Oh, there was something else, but it's been a long day, and I've had a glass of wine....hmmm...
~Ah, yes. I'm very "excited" about this road trip we're taking. I am sincerely excited about our destinations, but the four nine+ hour days of driving I am "excited" about. So I've started talking it up as we parents learn to do about the events for which our children must be prepared.
Suitcases. Against my better judgement and general aversion to all things princessy and fairy, um, fairy-y, I allowed Li'l Bit to pick out a Tinkerbell backpack for the Big Roadtrip. It will hold a handful of brand new toys and especially fun snacks and whatnots. And we will hold them hostage in return for good behavior.
So, this evening before she went to her room to garb herself in the Dancing Barbie gown she realized she could take it on the Big Roadtrip!! Oh, what a discovery for a princess. She stood there for what seemed like forever naming off all her favorite dresses and saying, "And I'll put that one in my suitcase!" (And, yes, Mom, her sailor dress was #1 on the list.)
And being true to the princess within, I shall post a picture from two years ago. It doesn't give you an idea of where Li'l Bit is on her present journey to royalty, but it's the best picture I have of myself in my skinny days. So I'm posting it.

At least she's in the picture.

Wonderful Weekend

Gotta love a good weekend!

On Saturday night, Stac took me out for my birthday. (Yes, I'm still accepting gifts, cash, checks, and money orders.) We ate at P.F. chang's downtown, and then wandered into:

where I found two beautiful books:

Iola Leroy, or Shadows Uplifted, by Frances E. W. Harper


& Will Mrs. Major Go To Hell? by Aloise Buckley Heath
I can't wait to read them!! Ah, I love used book stores--and the promise of a book not yet read.

Then we went to see:

...and laughed till our cheeks ached. I love me some Harry Shearer--I want to adopt him as an uncle or something.

Then Sunday morning our family headed to the beach in Nahunt for Brad's baptism. (Yes, he braved the arctic Atlantic!) It was such an amazing moment to share as a family.


...praying over Brad...

On the way back to our caravan, we stopped by a park to let the kids exhaust themselves. Just as sweet as Brad's baptism is seeing our family play together.


Also, HUGE news: Sunday night we turned Gizmo's crib into a big boy bed!! He's been doing really well with it. Testing the limits but (usually) respecting boundaries.
After B.daddy and I got our tired kids to bed we watched a movie together, which we really don't get to do often enough.

And yesterday we spent our Memorial Day chillin' in the 'hood and our backyard. Deese (yes, he does exist) and clint and Shelley came to cook out, and the kids got filthy dirty. Imagine ice cream fingers dipped in dirt then mud then dirt again then handling worms... And then they wanted to cuddle. I can't refuse a cuddle even if they were disgusting. Ah, but it felt good to scrub them spotless in the tub!

And, now back to the daily grind.
However, I have a very exciting week ahead. I have cello class tonight, Boston Pops & John Williams tomorrow night, and then lots of fun planning our road trip to Kentucky next Tuesday/Wednesday. We are finally realizing the dream we began over a year ago: a reunion with the Baylors, Hunts, and Latimers. (the only other couples crazy enough to move up here in 2003!) We haven't ALL been together since October of 2005! Now we've gone from eight adults and half a baby ;) to eight parents and ten and a half kids! We are beyond excited to be with them!! (I am SO excited I can't even get stressed out about all the preparations I have to make! That's serious excitement--trust me.)
Alllsoooo, we get to stop by and see Sean and Dana on the road! Their apt. just happens to be the perfect halfway point along our eighteen hour road trip. Ah, long distance living. We haven't all been together since before they got engaged! We didn't even know they were falling in love when we saw them last. And then all of a sudden B.daddy was doing their wedding! (I was too pregnant to fly down.) So, I can't wait to see them together. Oh, wait, no: Dana spent last summer here and Sean came up to visit--that's the last time we saw them in person. :) I stand correcting myself, as usual.

Okay, enough details. My children are ready for some interaction, and I have a road trip to prepare for!! (Gizmo just came out of my bedroom and said, "Mm, yo' woom is a mess." Yes, my dear, it is.)

Give It Up

The fight in me...

There's a certain way I want things to go. Our house, our money, our kids, my days, my relationships. I want things to fall in the right place, in the right order~nothing crazy, thank you very much. And I'm willing to fight for this. I will actually throw quite the tantrum when my life starts to jump off the tracks I have laid. I have laid very good tracks! They are wise and responsible and healthy, and ensure safety and comfort and control.

Ah, but this life is messy. No matter that I walked into it thinking I could keep it neat based on my own merit and self-confidence--and self-preservation. It has gotten out of control. And now this messy life is making me crazy, too. After constantly picking up I'm thinking that maybe I just need to give up.

To be generous.

Oh, crap. (I don't like the sound of that.)

To stop hoarding my time, my money, my heart, my quiet. I actually have those things to give.
Nobody is trying to take them from me.
Nobody is trying to take them from me.
They need them.
We need each other.

I am not vulnerable. I am not a victim.
I have been equipped with every spiritual gift.
I have gifts to give--not stockpile.

And the freedom we find in giving up. To peel my fingers off my dinky, plastic train tracks and let cereal spill all over the floor. To pry my greedy hands from my hot coffee cup and listen to my son trying to explain himself. To shut up for once and actually hear what my daughter has to say for herself. To generously make this home--without fuming about unfair expectations and female roles. To be patient with those who frustrate, to love those who frighten, to serve those who disappoint--to realize that, even in all my glory, I frustrate and frighten and disappoint.
To tolerate imperfection in myself, so I can tolerate imperfection in others.

Shermee got here Thursday, so naturally I left her alone with the kids for 24 hours to surprise my dear, sweet husband with a little getaway. I love surprising him because it is so hard to do! And I think that deep down he really likes to be surprised. So, anyway, Friday afternoon I walked into his office and swept him away.

This is where we went...

If you are ever looking for a good B&B in Maine: go to the 1802 House Inn (Kennebunkport.) It was perfect! The York room was our fav--very simple, sweet, and affordable. And it still had a jacuzzi tub. A clean, sweet-smelling, historical house with great innkeepers and a three-course breakfast. Wonderful!

Now enough about the inn. B.daddy and I had such a wondeful time. By the time we drove into Kennebunkport we were just ogling at all the large lawns that smelled of--brace yourselves--grass, and homes that seemed to house the most laid back lives. Just breathing in that Maine air calmed all our nerves and made us a little loopy. What a wonderful feeling! So, we had a delicious dinner, went to bed without first putting three other people to bed, woke up relatively late, ate breakfast without first feeding three other people, and drank our coffee HOT!! Saturday before heading home we drove down Route 1 toward Ogunquit (woot woot!) and stopped in all our favorite antique and junk stores. I got a nearly-first-edition copy of both Little Women and Little Men--both is immaculate condition, along with some other great books and a few little things for the kids. Then we had the annual Wild Willies burger and drove all the way home. :)

My mom and the kids were great, of course. The kids were perfect angels, of course--because I wasn't there to witness it! And my mom didn't look nearly tired enough. ;) Well, she did raise four girls.

Okay, back to reality...and a cold cup of coffee. (and three beautiful people ready to be molded.)

Fairy Tales

On Saturday morning I drug my poor, sick husband off of his death bed. I needed him to watch the two littler ones so I could take my diva to see the opera. (Btw, I was just telling her when she came out of ballet today with a little too much flip in her skirt that she is NOT going to be a diva. Princess? Fine, I'll learn to deal. But, diva--No! I digress.) I was so excited to actually be able to take my four year old to see the closest thing to live opera as possible. It was streaming live to our movie theatre, and I know she's not quite ready to go and abide by all the rules of a real opera house.
So, anyway, we went. It was magical. Through the entire first act her eyes were glued to the screen. The words were in Italian, but she was following the whole thing. I mean, it was the cinderalla story for crying out loud! How perfect is that? Every once in a while she'd turn and look at me like, Is this for real?! and nuzzle her nose to mine. Words cannot express.
Then there was intermission. I got her some Skittles and she was ready for cenerentola to be a married princess already! So, Act 2 was not quite as magical as the first. Back to real mom world; telling her to sit down, stop kicking the seat, just keep watching--oh, there she's finally in her white sparkly dress.
"Mommy, can we leave now?"
Ahh, but we relish those nose nuzzling moments. That was worth the whole rest of the exhausting day we had.

happenings

getting ready for bed

getting ready for a haircut

getting ready to go to home depot workshop with daddy

getting dressed up by sissy

being the most beautiful little boy i've ever seen, albeit the most dangerous, too.

pride and prejudice

My baby and I ate popcorn, watching Lizzie and Mr. Darcy fall in love everyday during the last two months of Gizmo's internal incubation. One could not have asked for a more agreeable two year old to care for during pregnancy.
Carrie told me to relish every last moment, just the two of us, and deep down I knew she was right. Such a sweet time we had together--so simple, so quiet.
Now my quiet girl and I have both learned just how loud we can get when life gets hard.
How incredibly our life has changed!
Add two children.
Subtract reach-out-and-touch-me best friends.
Add unexpected companionship.
Add responsibility upon responsibility upon duty.
Then heap a huge pile of "get over yourself and grow up" onto my plate.

This falling to pieces mother tends to dwell in the misery of the moment.
~Too much to do, and not enough time to rest.
~I'm just too mean to be allowed to be a mother.
~If I have to repeat myself one more time...
~Is anyone even listening to me?
~I'm so, so tired.
Without these things, though...without these desperate thoughts: I would have never learned that it is not within me to be a good mother. My Lord is the only love great enough to make this work. He is the only one who can wrap around my babies and protect them from my mistakes. He's the only one who can teach me to forgive myself for my mistakes.
~~~
Yesterday was one of those days. Then daddy came home sick as a dog. He needed to go straight to bed, and I faced three more hours until bedtime.
But, like so many of these days, it is miraculously salvaged. All of the sudden, the unusually fussy Ladybug goes to sleep, and the two opposing forces of nature start getting along. After a long, peaceful play time, Gizmo goes to bed. Then Li'l Bit and I settle in with a bowl of popcorn and our movie. Her face was alight the whole time. We giggled, we snuggled--something that seems to happen so rarely these days. It was so sweet, so simple, so quiet.

The Best Birthday Ever!

My husband is, yet again, amazing. Tuesday night he let me know that he had-surprise-taken the next day off for my birthday. He would be the responsible parent, and I could just wander around, follow my own whims, and be...me. My mind started reeling with the possibilities. A whole day for me!
So yesterday morning the whole fam went out to breakfast at Sound Bites--delish!
Then after said breakfast with lovely, hyper children, I got a massage.
Then I took a nap.
Then I took a bath.
Then I went to a cafe and read.
Then I window shopped and had a phone conversation with my sister without my children screaming in the background.
Then the fam took me out again for dinner, along with Stacey and KC.
Ahhh, I feel like a new woman. I am so much more relaxed. There is still just as much crap to do today as there was Tuesday; but Tuesday I was depressed about it. Today I'm just whittling away at it, little bit by little bit. Devil may care if any of it gets done. I love my babies, and I love being a mom; an entire day to take a break from it all helps me return to my post with my soul fully intact.
And, oh my gosh, do I love my baby daddy!

That is the extent of the detail I will give you, because if you are a mother and you are reading this you probably want to gouge my eyes out as it is.

Rejoice With Me

Well, our parents' one and only hope of us ever moving back to the south will die a deep fried death this August. And I must say...I will be rejoicing!!

Sonic is FINALLY coming to New England!! I never thought this would happen. Never. And it is actually opening up in the same town as B.daddy's office. So, we will most certainly be budgeting for weekly (okay, daily) Sonic runs. ;) Should I give up weight loss now or later?

Here they co-ome...


Ahh, I'm salivating!
I never thought I could be so happy! ;)

Nothin' Special

Gizmo and I were playing with his cars yesterday. He started "driving" around the room and he said, "My car's goin' out." I asked where, and for a split second I imagined all the enlightened places he might name. Places that would boost my parental pride. The Gardner Museum, a concert, even the library for cryin' out loud! But, of course, why would I be surprised when he answered: "Target."

Our babies these days:

Daddy always has fun with their hair after bathtime.
This girl is so much fun.

Gizmo has taken to sleeping with whatever may be his favorite truck of the day.
I thought this picture was way too cute to not be taken.

And our dancing queen. This was Easter Sunday--you know, when she was dancing to Prince on the table. Well, B.daddy pulled the camera out and she started posing! I have about fifteen more like this--she'd strike a pose and wait for B.man to take the picture, then she'd change poses and wait again. She is a handful!