Honk if you love Jesus (Or if you just want someone to drive correctly!)

I promised myself and several dear friends that I would not get down here and just complain, complain, complain. And I'm doing very well. I'm enjoying the south, the people, the pace. What I thought might be annoying, has been charming and/or hilarious. BUT, let me tell you...

I love honking. It is so very efficient.

Someone pulls in front of you and endangers the lives of your precious passengers? Honk, and she knows she did something wrong. You want to let someone pull out but they're hesitant? Honk, flash your lights, and he knows you're letting him go. The person in front of you doesn't see the green light? Honk, and he moves along.

But not so much here. I saw it with my own eyes: A guy on a motorcycle didn't see the light turn green. He got a polite, little honk from behind, but instead of going, he turned around and glared at the other driver! Can you believe the inefficiency of that action? We're on the road people. And the point of driving is to safely get from point A to point B. This is not an emotional transaction.

You see, "up in Boston" (read with a snobbish, aloof tone) there are a million-gazillion cars on the road all the time. And the roads are horrendous with hundreds of terrible intersections. So, things have to move quickly and efficiently. Which means, you have to be always alert and very conscientious--or you will kill someone. You must watch out for bikes and pedestrians, and cars that need to turn left across high traffic areas (which means, you sometimes stop to let them go! Novel idea.) And when merging must take place--It's a zipper people, a ZIPPER! You go, I go, You go, I go. And if you don't allow proper zippering, you can expect to get honked at. And if you're in the left lane on the interstate, you know to move over when someone wants to pass. Everyone understands this rule; we give each other a chance to move it along.

But driving is not the same in this slow-paced, spread-out south. Drivers don't have to be more efficient and so, in my humble opinion, they are not. Watch out in parking lots--you'll get run over, since pedestrians apparently do not have the right of way. If you start to turn left across traffic, the oncoming cars speed up! And my dear friend--recently moved back from Boston as well--was riding his bike to work and someone actually rolled down his window and yelled, "Get off the road!" And if you're in the left lane, you don't even get a chance to pull over before the car behind you nearly rear ends you in their passive aggressive attempt to get you to move. Just honk, for crying out loud. I'll skit skat skoodle doot, before you can say "flip flop flee."

I call this Over-Emotionalized Driving. Everyone is so dadgum polite. Complete strangers wave and say "Howdy, how are you, young lady? Oh, what pretty babies you have. You know, my granddaughter..." But this sort of politeness does not translate well to the road. It becomes one of two things: 1) Slow, slow, slow going. But no hurt feelings. or 2) Aggressive, passive-aggresive drivers. But "no hurt feelings." The charming, polite culture makes everyone afraid to say yes, no, or just go, for fear of hurting someones precious feelings. How about we all just recognize that we're simply trying to get to the store, or home, or wherever. So, let's get down to business. If I'm in your way, let me know. And if I'm doing something wrong that slows you up, honk. I'll kick it into gear. And I'll do the same for you.

So, I vow: I will single-handedly change the driving culture of central and south Arkansas in a mere eight months. If I do not succeed I promise to take my "mean" driving habits back to Boston. ;)

And Boston drivers are NOT crazy! ;)