I was all of 18 years old, fresh out of high school. He was 26. He loves to say he had already done and quit all the things I wasn't legally old enough to do. He had left home, partied like it was 1999, graduated college, and embarked upon his first and then second career. I hadn't even voted yet. But I knew one thing when I saw into his eyes that first night:
This is the most honest man I've ever met.
I immediately went home and told my sister I'd met the guy I would marry. What did I know?
Honesty. That is the one thing I could say I knew for sure that night. Deep within I knew more. I didn't know I knew, but I knew. A sea of peace was welling up inside of me that swooshed with love I didn't know was possible. Things I would come to know that, for years to come, I would trace back to that first soul glimpse. Waves whispering gently...
He will never lie to you. But he will never promise he'll never lie to you. He will be painfully honest about his humanity. He will tell you it is entirely possible he will leave you and forsake you one of these days, if he is not careful. So he will be very careful. He will heed the warnings and flee the temptations. And he will be quite frank about those temptations which will thoroughly freak you out. Eventually you'll see there's no escaping the truth, there is incredible danger in hiding our weaknesses from each other, and none in confessing them. Not with him.
You will be safe with him. He will let you throw fireballs of fearful, hateful anger at him. He will take it, but he will not let you get away with it. He will sit in your frozen silence for hours. He will keep pushing you. Sometimes too hard, sometimes not. But he will push you to heal, to trust, to receive. He will not let you go on just being the way you've always been. Because of his dogged love you will begin to long for more. For happiness. For freedom. Not the kind you get from doing what you want, but from doing what is right. Especially when it's hard and no one else is willing to do it. He will have your back.
He will stand between you and the rest of the world and dare them to mess with you.
He will cherish you and adore you which will be an absolute miracle, because you will spend years resisting him. He will believe in you so much that you start to believe it too. He will sing your praises at home, at work, to friends, to complete strangers. And it will never get old.
He will not only give you children, but he will also change their diapers. He will clean up their puke and take them to ballet and shepherd their hearts. He will be patient when you are not, and not when you are. He will struggle with you to become the parents your children need. He will think they are the most beautiful, brilliant, amazing creatures on the face of the earth. And also that they are just as messed up as everyone else and need to be loved unconditionally.
He will lay down everything he has ever wanted to take care of you and your babies. He will show you what sacrifice means. That'll be a good thing to learn. He'll expect the same from you. You'll say you can't, and he'll call your bluff. You will try to scowl holes through him, but he will not scare off. You have no idea how much you will learn from this man.
You will know what it means to be proud of him. You will know what it feels like to truly respect him. You will know what it is to love and live as one.
All in all, you will be very glad you married him. You will wonder how you could survive without him and you will shutter at the thought of ever losing him or hurting him. You will love him. A lot.
And that's only the first eleven years.
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| the only picture of the two of us on our honeymoon. it's my favorite. we had no idea what all was ahead of us. |
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