I'll start with my low. I've been suffering from postpartum depression. The first four months with Sweet Pea were very peaceful and happy. I savored every warm, newborn moment. I wrapped up our school year with force and resolve and a great plan for the coming year. I thought that for once I wouldn't have to deal with PPD. But then it hit, and it took me a while to realize what was happening.
The kids were amazing. We had a very simple summer. My one goal everyday was to get them out of the house. We did parks, museums, the beach, splash pools...any place I could just strap my baby on, stand quietly, and watch the three kids having fun. I could manage that. I could manage to smile and wave, and maybe from afar they wouldn't hear their laughter echo in the vacuous hole of my chest.
About two weeks before school was to begin, I realized I had not the strength to carry the burden of education. Not only that, but I had to learn to prioritize my health and rest. (A very hard lesson I am still working on.) That meant I had to make a very difficult decision to let go of my lofty educational vision for a little while and trust our public elementary school to care for and teach my first three babies. A hard decision but a peaceful one. All three have excellent teachers whom they love! All of the other teachers and staff we've met have been incredibly helpful, warm, and enthusiastic. Although Gizmo and The Rascal miss the hours of freedom to imagine and get filthy that homeschooling allowed us, they still enjoy their school days. Li'l Bit is absolutely in love with school! I knew she would be. In our homeschool world she could read for hours upon hours everyday. She was disappointed when she realized how school life infringed upon that, but she's adjusted. Fifth grade isn't the easiest year to first experience public school with all it's little dramas and nuances. But she is holding her own and finding her place.
I am indeed prioritizing my wellness. I have the support I need to get through this dark season. Every morning when I put Sweet Pea down for her nap and I sit in the quiet to pray and meditate, I am overcome with thankfulness for this space to heal. Not surprisingly, the day goes by very quickly and I could fill every single moment with work and plans. I do have to guard the hours and choose my activities wisely. There are so many ways I can be involved with the kids' school, projects I could tackle at home, and friends I could serve. Daily I must bring myself back to my list of priorities and spend my energy from the top down. If my energy lasts to #4 great; if I can only get to #1 great. All of my cheerleaders--with B.daddy in the front row--keep reminding me that this is time for me to rest. All I have to do is rest. For perhaps the first time in my life, I am able to be kind and compassionate toward myself and stop trying to live up to unrealistic standards. This has been a frighteningly dark season, but B.daddy and I are hopeful that the painful refining is bringing about greater freedom for my future.
Now on to the fun part--pictures!!
If the morning is nice, Sweet Pea and I will take a walk after seeing the kids off.
It is such a blessing to be able to play with this sweet girl and watch her grow and learn! She's crawling and pulling herself up; she loves to read books with bright, literal illustrations; she's got great giggles and snuggles; and she LOVES to eat A LOT! :)
She's got great thighs.
The kids had a super fun Halloween weekend. Stake and Jeph (more pseudonyms to protect the innocent) helped them carve their first ever pumpkins, I got to be in Gizmo's classroom to help decorate pumpkins, the kids had a Halloween Bash at school, and the next day they rode on the school float in the Halloween parade.
The Rascal (formerly known as Ladybug) got to dress up @ school as her favorite literary character on Halloween.
Our first field trip!! The Rascal's grade walked to the library and City Hall then had "lunch with the Mayor." A dear friend looked after Sweet Pea so I was able to chaperon this trip. So fun! And it was very interesting for me--as a homeschooler at heart--to meet her classmates, watch them interact with each other and adults, and observe the teachers keeping 60+ kids alive and well-behaved while we walked all over town!
I had to crop out her buddies. There are, understandably, so many more rules to keep up with when you put so many different kids together. But this is The Rascal w/ The Mayor. I'm pretty sure he's okay with his image being public.
Gizmo finally lost his snaggle tooth and carved his pumpkin to match. :)
He's not a huge fan of the homework. Sometimes it's not a big deal, and he cranks it out in no time. One day he forgot to bring his homework pack home, so I gave him extra homework as a consequence. Well, he completed that and then pulled out the math book he would have been doing at home this year and completed like 20 pages. Other nights he fights the simplest, easiest assignment and that drives me absolutely batty. B.daddy has to come in as the closer and get the job done.
I love this picture of Li'l Bit. Even though it's a bit blurry--and she smeared soot on her face--it shows how very grown up she is becoming--not just pretending to be, but actually being. ;) Stake built a great fire and kept the kids from burning their hair off while Jeph helped B.daddy with man things and I made chili and cornbread for everyone. Stake always has super fun ideas. This night: build a flaming torch! It was a great night. And nobody got injured.
My tiny, little girl walking off to the 5th grade. She is definitely one of the smallest kids in her class. And she is fearless.
Parent Involvement At Its Best:
B.daddy chaperoned the school float for the parade. He has absolutely been my super hero during this dark season. He has shown up for every school event--sometimes alone, when I was too sick to do it--he's rushed home to care for me on the really bad days, and he has been the greatest champion for my healing and wellness. All that and he knows every word to every Prince song ever written. (Even the dirty ones.)
This is me going a little overboard for the PTO bake sale. But I mean, come on! I got to bake for something AND it made money for the kids' school? How could I not go all out?
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