You want to play with me, Mommy?

Gizmo asks me that question about sixty-two times a day. His greatest desire is simply for us to play with him. Not to discipline properly or make him feel like a little man or hug his little neck or kiss his yummy cheeks. He does need those things. But the very tip top of his I Need List is for Mommy, Daddy, and Sissies to just play with him. Recreational Companionship. It makes total sense.

Of course, my answer is far too often, "Not right now, babe." Or, "I can't, sweetie. I'm just too busy." But what am I busy with? I'm busy "taking care" of him. I do the same thing with B.daddy. I stay so busy meeting practical needs, that I miss out on meeting their real needs. The house is clean, food is healthy, education is given. But what about the needs of their hearts?

I know, as home managers, we have to be reasonable. We have to juggle and compromise, and sometimes we have to say no.

But what I'm really talking about is cutting ourselves some slack. We feel guilty for everything, so the last conclusion we'd come to is to take it easy on ourselves. Even now I'm thinking of all the selfish reasons I don't play with Gizmo when he asks. "It's because I want things to be a certain way that I can't take the time to sit on the floor and pretend to be Lightin' McQueen."

I'm learning, though, that it's not so much that I want those things. It's that I hold myself to such high standards, that I can't imagine taking a minute to enjoy the day. To enjoy playing with my son. To enjoy my son!

I think I have to meet my high standards in order to please my family.

But I don't. They are pleased with me because of who I am. They love me because I love them. I don't have to prove that I'm worthy of their love. They just love me the way I am.

"If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!" Matthew 7:11

We think we've got to prove ourselves in order to be loved. It is so hard for us to actually believe we are lovable--and loved--just the way we are-with all of our quirks and bad habits.

A few days ago I was having a Scrap Day--much like today. I had gotten so lost that I scrapped everything I usually do and hope to accomplish in a day. I was in my pj's with no make up on and a mop-head of hair. I needed to forget about that stuff for a day so I could try to really see what was going on around me.

So Gizmo wanted me to help him fix his car.
The two of us were leaning over the ottoman looking under the hood (the cushion of the rocker-glider was popped up like the hood of a car.) We were fixing spark plugs and adding oil and getting out all the various things that get stuck in an engine block. You wouldn't believe what we pulled out of that thing. But what caught me off guard was this: My son, who is scarcely outwardly affectionate turned and stared at my face. Then he said, "Mommy, you are so beautiful this morning!"
I was meeting his greatest need, enjoying him, and his love poured right out of his mouth.

We just need to let ourselves have more fun, and laugh at all the other crap.

Geez Louise!

our crew minus a handful of loved ones:

Well...
What a whirlwind this life can be! What a graceful, peaceful whirlwind indeed!

My dear husband is away on business, and I've been caring for all. three. children. By...Myself. (Okay, so I've had some help. But let's just dive deep into the drama of the moment, please.)

Suffice it to say: I want to reach out to my four faithful readers and say what's on my mind, but I just can't. All four of you talk to me or my husband at least once a week, so I think we're okay on that note.

What we are NOT okay with is the lack of picturage going out to the G-parents! Sorry, y'all. Did I mention our life has been a whirlwind?

Here ya' go:

helping me sort receipts for taxes...ugh. taxes.

showing off a battle scar...from riding the sled in the snow

and our happy, healthy kids:

every night i'm thankful they have a safe, warm place to rest their heads

13 days in Arkansas

3 a.m. wake up call
4 plane tickets & 1 lap child
3 birth certificates & 2 driver's licences
1 suitcase weighing 54 lbs. (minus 4 lbs. at check in)
3 carry-ons (plus 4 lbs. at check in)
5 pairs of easy-to-remove-and-replace shoes
5 long hours stuck on a 2 hour flight w/ sleepy kids and grumpy parents
1 umbrella stroller to be ditched in Memphis so we could catch our next flight

finally land in Little Rock, right on time

3 borrowed car seats in the back of my sister's SUV, also borrowed
2 borrowed pack n' plays
1 borrowed booster seat

first meal at Whole Hog
dinner party of 18
best ribs in the world and cousins dancing between tables

3 days at my dad's
chocolate gravy and biscuits every morning
countless hours w/ my sisters and their kids
an afternoon w/ 3 long lost friends & their families

3 days at B.daddy's mom's
B.daddy working in Texas
fried pork chops and mashed potatoes
slept in every morning while Grammie cared for two older tyrants (the youngest one, secluded in a quiet room w/ me, slept soundly for the first time in her life)

3 days at B.daddy's dad's
7 deer sighted in back yard
60 deer steaks eaten with gusto
101 deer hunting stories

3 days at my mom's
meal after glorious meal of Mom's, Nana's, and sisters' home cookin'
an evening w/ 3 more long lost friends and their families
reassurance of the importance of my role as a mother--reminded by the comfort of being in the roost my own mom rules

last night
repack suitcase and carry-ons
leave behind 4+ lbs. of stuff for mom to mail
1 borrowed Sleepy Wrap to replace ditched stroller
gird our loins

a quick prompt flight to Memphis
another delayed flight b/w Memphis and Home
1 18-month old lured to sleep in Sleepy Wrap, walking the halls of airport
finally board the plane
told to unwrap sleeping child for take off
unwrapped, thus waking sleeping child
told we wouldn't take off for forty-five minutes
1 furious, fuming Mommy
1,487 cuss words ricocheting off the walls of my brain
calm down. self control.
finally take off an hour later
1 very vibrant 18-month old girl juggled b/w Mommy and Daddy
2 amazingly calm, compliant older siblings
blessings from above
reach our destination
30 more minutes circling the airways whilst waiting for a runway
finally land

1 wonderful friend to pick us up w/ a fresh gallon of milk :)

giddy glee as the kids run to their rooms, their beds
glad to be home

thankful for everyone who loves us so, who worked so hard to be with us and take care of us. we are so loved and so cherished by all the different, yet unified families in our life. we are blessed.



(okay, so i didn't take our camera to AR. the first time EVER i didn't pack our camera. B.daddy are still not in agreement about that decision. :) but here are some photos from December.)

princess li'l bit. she started her new ballet class yesterday and she's on cloud 9!

our little cutie pie! this girl is so easy to love.

oh, we love these long, cold winters.

our digger guy. trucks, cars, diggers, tractors--he loves them all.

mischief is her middle name! such a funny little girl.