pride and prejudice

My baby and I ate popcorn, watching Lizzie and Mr. Darcy fall in love everyday during the last two months of Gizmo's internal incubation. One could not have asked for a more agreeable two year old to care for during pregnancy.
Carrie told me to relish every last moment, just the two of us, and deep down I knew she was right. Such a sweet time we had together--so simple, so quiet.
Now my quiet girl and I have both learned just how loud we can get when life gets hard.
How incredibly our life has changed!
Add two children.
Subtract reach-out-and-touch-me best friends.
Add unexpected companionship.
Add responsibility upon responsibility upon duty.
Then heap a huge pile of "get over yourself and grow up" onto my plate.

This falling to pieces mother tends to dwell in the misery of the moment.
~Too much to do, and not enough time to rest.
~I'm just too mean to be allowed to be a mother.
~If I have to repeat myself one more time...
~Is anyone even listening to me?
~I'm so, so tired.
Without these things, though...without these desperate thoughts: I would have never learned that it is not within me to be a good mother. My Lord is the only love great enough to make this work. He is the only one who can wrap around my babies and protect them from my mistakes. He's the only one who can teach me to forgive myself for my mistakes.
~~~
Yesterday was one of those days. Then daddy came home sick as a dog. He needed to go straight to bed, and I faced three more hours until bedtime.
But, like so many of these days, it is miraculously salvaged. All of the sudden, the unusually fussy Ladybug goes to sleep, and the two opposing forces of nature start getting along. After a long, peaceful play time, Gizmo goes to bed. Then Li'l Bit and I settle in with a bowl of popcorn and our movie. Her face was alight the whole time. We giggled, we snuggled--something that seems to happen so rarely these days. It was so sweet, so simple, so quiet.