Sacrifice

When my husband got home from work yesterday, I had just gotten out of the shower.  As in, I walked around smellin' funky because I didn't have a moment to myself until 5:30.
P. M.
That shower felt soooooo good.  I went straight to PJ's and B.daddy's Buffalo Grill sweatshirt.  Feeling warm from my head to my toes, I soon found myself sitting on the couch with a sleepy Rascal on my lap and a glass of wine in my hand.  Bliss!
Tonight my husband got home from work, and I looked just like I did the night before.  Minus the shower and the warm fuzzies.  Same PJ pants.  Same sweatshirt--but now with coffee spilled on it.
My house is a wreck.  My kids are surviving on Cheerios and pretzels.  My dog stinks to high heaven.
You'd think I had a newborn to take care of, or felt seriously ill, or was sinking into depression.
But, no.  You know what it is?
We started school yesterday.
We took a two week break for our anniversary and Thanksgiving.  Two blessed weeks to clean and cook and plan and read and check Facebook and Pinterest and watch mindless t.v.  Being the forgetful soul I am, I wondered during those two weeks why I couldn't always keep my house so neat and tidy.  Why can't I tackle one major project a day?  Why can't I usually cook five meals ahead of time?  Why can't I always feel so rested and refreshed?
Oh, now I remember!
I'm here all day long, but I can't actually do anything.
I'm schoolin' my kiddos, which means I have something very closely resembling a full-time job.  I enjoy this job--most of the time--and I'm thankful everyday that I get to keep these three people so warm and safe and near.  In the end, that's what keeps me doing it.  The fact that I get to be with my kids all day.
I remember very well the days of having these tiny, demanding people tugging on me morning till night....and on into the night.  In those days I wished hourly that someone would just watch my kids and let me be alone!  Imagine my surprise when I realized a couple years later that I actually love spending everyday with these hooligans!  So much so that I'll keep homeschooling when every fiber of my unstructured, rule-breaking being wants to do anything but.
So here I am, doing what comes so unnaturally to be with the people I want most to be with.
I guess you could say I'm feeling the sacrificing end of the bargain today.  Sacrificing some of my standards, so I won't drive myself insane when the bathroom is messy and dinner is just so-so.  Sacrificing sleep if I want a hot shower to start the day.  Sacrificing long-distance phone calls and play dates because I really can't spare a minute.  Any minute I'm not teaching my kids I'm trying to either, 1) clean behind their ears, 2) read and snuggle just for fun, or 3) do something about this pigsty!
Sometimes I remember to get on here and groggily write this all down.  Not often enough.  I have sisters near and far who are either in this boat or climbing in.  We need each other.  We need to be able to seek as well as give advice.  We need to laugh at our own ridiculousness and commiserate over the desperate moments.  We need to hear that we aren't the only ones wearing PJ's all day.  And for that, you will always have me.